Funny Thoughts People Have When Purchasing Their First NYC Home
1) Is this the worst decision?
2) Am I going to be house-poor for the rest of my life?
3) Should I just wait a few more years and save some more so I can buy a whole HOUSE instead of a tiny apartment?
4) No. I can barely keep my room tidy, let alone an entire goddamn house. Let’s wait a little on that one.
5) Can someone please explain to me, for the 20th time, the difference between a condo and a co-op?
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6) OK, I think (??) I understand. Let’s see what’s out there.
7) *Googles mortgage calculators to determine what I can afford*
8) Oh, cool, absolutely nothing in my budget.
9) Uh, WTF is an HOA fee?
10) Hold on — so I’m going to have to put 20% down PLUS pay a maintenance fee PLUS pay my mortgage PLUS get insurance PLUS pay taxes?
11) OMG I am never going to be able to afford a condo.
*months pass*
Roc-A-Fella Records / Via youtube.com
12) Oh, look at this one! Something charming within my budget.
13) Crud. Building is not pet-friendly, and I have a dog. Next.
*more months pass*
14) Oh, this looks nice! It’s a little farther out than I’d like, but it’s only a five-minute walk from the subway.
15) Open-house tiiiiime! Exciting.
16) Um. This is definitely a 15-minute walk from the subway — if you walk fast.
17) What’s…happening with that leaky ceiling?
*more months pass*
Comedy Central / Via lincolnrice.tumblr.com
18) Holy crap, a decent-sized condo within my budget, with a tax abatement!
19) (What is a tax abatement?)
20) Oh, cool! So, like, no taxes for a really long time. Cha-ching.
21) Fuck, is my credit OK?
22) I totally forgot you need excellent credit to literally do anything.
23) HOLY SHIT If my credit is not OK I am never going to be able to afford a home and I am going to die alone in a cardboard box because NYC rental prices are going to destroy my life.
24) PHEW MY CREDIT IS OK!!!!
25) Alrighty. Next step.
26) What is the next step?
27) I…think I need to get pre-approved for a mortgage? *takes deep breath*
28) Lol, “mortgage.” So adult! Weird.
29) I’ve been pre-approved! Guess it’s time to purge my entire life savings and put an offer on the place.
30) Am I crazy? Should I actually do this? IS THIS A BAD IDEA HELP
31) Real estate is always a good investment (right?). I am going to do this. Owning a home is a good thing.
32) I need a lawyer? This is sooooo adult I can’t deal.
33) The sellers didn’t accept my offer. Fucking assholes.
NBC / Via weeblenugget.blogspot.com
34) OK THIS IS MY FINAL OFFER, I’M NOT BUDGING
35) OMGDGGGSADHSAGHDJGGGGGG they accepted my offer.
36) I guess I’m buying a home? Cool/weird. I feel funny.
37) No problem, bank. Just hold on one sec while I collect roughly 2,075 pieces of ID and financial information so I can get a mortgage.
38) Wait. Closing fees can cost up to $15K?? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS EARLIER
39) But you don’t actually find out how much closing costs are until the day of closing? This is all a cruel trick. Everyone is the worst.
40) Yep, I’m going to be house-poor forever. Goodbye, wine bars. Hello, drinking two-buck Chuck on my couch for the next 30 years.
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